If you often need time to yourself, it may be because you struggle to be authentic around others. That is what author Teal Swan argues in her book The Anatomy of Loneliness. I do not entirely agree.
The book suggests that many adults carry unmet needs from childhood. Some of our behavior, Swan argues, grows out of emotional neglect and the care we did not receive when we were vulnerable babies—such as affection, food, and attention.
Through upbringing and socialization, we all develop different parts of ourselves. In her view, those inner personalities compete for attention in our minds, which can make it hard to act authentically.
That discomfort might make us seek time alone because we fear we cannot be ourselves around other people.
Introvert
I am someone who needs time alone. I'm an introvert and often prefer my own company. But not always. That tension is what I call the introvert’s loneliness dilemma.
Introversion means being more focused on your inner world, while extraversion means drawing more satisfaction from the world around you.
The common explanation is that socializing drains introverts but energizes extroverts. Introverts may therefore need time to recover after being with others.
Solitude vs. loneliness
Solitude and loneliness are different. Loneliness is the sadness of lacking the company or connection you want. Solitude simply means being alone.
Loneliness has a negative connotation; solitude can be positive.
Solitude can be a superpower. That is why I prefer working from home to working in coworking spaces. When I am alone, I can focus, think, and create.
https://twitter.com/joserosado/status/1140411485191049218
The dilemma
The dilemma is knowing when comfortable solitude is about to become loneliness—when you need to step outside it before comfort turns into isolation.
If I spend too much time alone, I sometimes become sad. For me, that tends to happen after two or three days. Every introvert has a different limit before loneliness creeps in. Planning ahead is my first way of preventing that.
Know what you need and make room for it. Arrange a coffee, go on a date, visit your parents, work from a coworking space, or have a drink with a close friend before loneliness sets in.
To me, that is a healthy way to work with my personality without being inauthentic.
https://twitter.com/naval/status/1201224402001485824